My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
