It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
