just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
