yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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