If that was your dad, he is hot
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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