I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
