I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
