I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I know her cup size but not her name....
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
