I will die if light touches me.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
