haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
