In the future we'll all be gay
i think i have two assholes
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
