he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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