i barfeds in our rink
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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