So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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