i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
