I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
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All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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