I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
