Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
it hurts more in the daytime
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize