Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
