Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
