The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I've blown a few things in my day
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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