If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
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He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
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it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.