It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
