i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
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while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
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I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"