I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
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On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
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I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.