did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.