it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.