I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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