Small penises have feelings too.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
