sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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