I need help removing her.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
