Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
