I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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