i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
