yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
