uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
