I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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