Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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