Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
