GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
