I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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