just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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