just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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