you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Found the puke drawer
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
