so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
