I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
