You work out of a Hotel?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
