She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
