i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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