Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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