Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
