do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
