He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
