i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
