man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
