I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
