Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
