Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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