I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so let's talk penis.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
