I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
