please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
