i was born a porn star she said
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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