She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
