i permit you to call me
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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