haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
