Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
