i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
