and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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